Sophia's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Sophia [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

meh [09 Feb 2008|10:53pm] [ mood | numb ] duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude been over a year since i last posted ... LOL my life is far too complicated lol, no point in even TRYING to explain the rubbish every day must bring >:) love you all :3

>:) [31 Jan 2007|01:26am] [ mood | sarcastic ] [ music | blah ] djkfhrir8 hjkbhjgb jhF%^&( (^&$ VB%^ $&* B*(&*(& ( :) ^-----^ lol long time no speak :p as always lol nothing new lol, just the usual lol. Work, Uni, Boyfriend, Dancing, Friends lol no time though sadly after all this T____T i wanna go away a relax somewhere lol and not do anything. i'm fed up of working and doing stuff T_T i wanna go away T_T i got a house. ima go live in canterbury soon :O :O :O

bang bang bang [20 Dec 2006|09:54pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Splinter Cell aka dil being a dull batty ] hey am bored, this laptop is wank, dil is boring me right now, just eating for the hell of it. suddenly the internet isnt all that fun. just got the internet back in the house :) dil is staying with me for christmas and then i go with him to winchester for the new year (if anyone will be in that area from the 28th to the 8th feel free to get holda me - email me for my number) my phone broked, so i have my old one again /sigh. i have found only today that i just keep snacking which is unlike me now, so ima be one obese muthuh by the end of the day lol. im getting horribly bored of everything. christmas sucks. noone wants to get into the spirit so its just been bringing me down which is again wank lol, dil seems to spend all of his time playing online games which means i can't ..... bastard and so i get ignored a lot of the time. tis hella ghey, although he doesnt have the internet at his house so i guess its not so bad, it's just boring because i can't do anything at all just sit and stare at the ceiling for absolutely fucking hours and its sooooooooooooooo lame ; ; kill me ; ; love you :p xxxxxx

all i can say, i shouldn't stay, can we take a ride? [09 Dec 2006|11:14pm] [ mood | relaxed and just plain happy ] [ music | Jimmy Eat World - Work ] hey monkeys how's everything going? am still in Spar damn it! lol but hey could be worse. I am feeling really happy and just relaxed, not really in a complaining mood lol. Must be something about being with Dil lol, he's drawing thus internets was stoled. naturally. Yes! everything is going so awesomely with me and Dil :o. He's staying with me over Christmas, and i think (not actually sure) that i'll be going to his for the New Year /cheer. Fingers crossed for me eh? lol. Aww he's so sweet *is all loved up* i'm sure the honeymoon period will fade soon enough, but til then, i'll be riding the wave :p. Uni is just the same as always, i broke up now and everything. I'm annoyed though because i was made to work instead of being able to go over to Dave's and observe the Wii T______T my life is over lol. Dan is talking to me more now too!!!!!! I'm so happy ^---^ ... took the batty long enough lol. I'm missing Katie at this exact moment -_- thank you work.... gits. They made me work so i couldn't go and see Katie when she came down to London! how cruel. Things'll be cool though - right Katiebunny?!?!?! *starts a cheer going!!* lol I got Howls Moving Castle on DVD today :3 yayness. *does her happy dance* one small thing has been bugging me though... I've been so happy recently, will Dil want to still be with me if I hit my mini depression periods? :/ I hope so. *fingers crossed* gotta keep rooting for this relationship to work ^^; i wanna be happy again T____T is that so much to ask? I buried myself in work when i broke up with Trev, but it helped me get over him, which i am kinda thankful about but i was really unhappy when i did bury myself in it all, i'm just being hopeful that if i do get down about everything again that he'll still want me around and will be there for me! you think i'll be good guys?

i tried to be perfect, but it just wasn't worth it [22 Nov 2006|05:01pm] [ mood | cheekishly cheerful :p ] [ music | Sum 41 - Pieces (live) ] wow... missed me? i can't believe i haven't updated since 4th september O_O norty. umm wow where to start? erm... i work in Spar now and stuff, but i hate it there. The only reason i still turn up is because they pay me to -.- i actually despise it though. Seriously! they were so mean ot me the other day kept blaming me for everything and it was getting me really down i just wanted to bugger off and cry in a corner or something but i couldn't because i was working ... the gays. Uni is super hot awesome fun!! If you ignore the essays and work load that is :p lol i do :D I have made a load of friends and they are just so brilliant! It's nice to have awesome friends as they all make me laugh so much! which i need sometimes, because everything kind of topples over me when i have work, dancing and friends etc because i have no time T_T. I broke up with Trev a while back i'm not sure how much some of you know, but yeah. It was ended by yours truly after 1year and 8 months. It was a really really really REALLY hard thing to do, as he was my first serious boyfriend. Heh, i have only just recently started dating a new guy called Dil. Some of you if you were on the october expo you would know him (Dilarus from AL - tall batty) and things are going cool, am just not ready to be in a really hot relationship i don't think, I am still young remember!!! I feel lucky though to be doing so well, mind i think i'm failing some of my uni course and passing the other half, and i am only seconds away from quitting work... i'm hanging on in there in a vain hope lol whelpers! am off my happy munchkins! ^---^ love you all lolo try and contact me those with my number, and if you don't have it email me to get it!! -- cameragirl@hotmail.co.uk xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[04 Sep 2006|01:10am] [ mood | i'm ok :) ] hey not much has been happening here, just a little bored and busy i guess. i say busy.... i haven't been able to find anything to do but i've been searching or thinking lol. oh!!! university soon! /panic!! i don't feel very ready mind (don't worry Katie, we're in the same boat!! :/) Trev has finally got a clue and started to go out with me more and stuff :) like he actually leaves the house!!!!!!! sweet jesus we have progress!! /joy :) here i was panicing that i might just end up killing him -.- Dan has gone odd, but i know he is having issues with his family so i can't really blame him, i guess i just wanna help... sadly this does not seem possible and he doesn't hang out for any long periods of time or come out a lot anymore, and it's really bugging me!! he's going to make himself depressed and i'm just going to end up sitting back and watching him do it to himself because he dwells on everything -.- arrrrrrrgh!!! it is so irritating lol .

lalalalalalalala [04 Aug 2006|12:17am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | BRMC - Red Eyes and Tears ] Hey am at Katies, in Manchester! how shocking! i spoke to Trev about everything before i left because i simply couldn't leave for a few days feeling like i did. i spoke to him and he reassured me that nothing was going and everything showed me his phone and i looked through it, questioned him on a couple of them and felt somewhat better about it and everything, also during the time that i've been here he has been keeping contact wih me like texts and stuff which is really nice ^-^ lol he even gave me goodnight messages! how sweet :p. i saw her picture on myspace though (trev showed me) i know why i felt nervous now!!!! she is so pretty ; ; i feel totaly fugly compared to her! ghey. Ben seem a lil down, but he was such a blast tonight!! like really a lot lol. we set things alight on our BBQ at the end of the night, and we've gotten through the second DVD of Black Books :) one more to go!!!!!!!!!! update later - ben might collapse and wants sleep :),

fade away, fade away [29 Jul 2006|01:31am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | The Calling - Could it be any Harder ] hey relationship? anyone? help? ?? ? ? ? ? ??? ?? ? Trev is being really odd recently, i don't believe that he is cheating on me, but he just won't stop acting so weird. It's killing me. he didn't turn up to my dancing... it was a major thing, i was on stage in front of the whole of deal and he chose to go to some girl that he didn't know's BBQ instead.. it really hurt. Now however he keeps texting people and won't show me or tell me who and if i get the phone goes mad and races me to get it back asap. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but he told me it was Kerry a couple of nights ago and she just tries to get into his undies 99% of the time in her texts. it kills me, as she knows i'm going out with him, and she knows me! Today it's someone called Allie or something, i think i am being paranoid, but when someone acts like that you can't help but be suspicious as what could possibly be so bad that I can't see. it's certainly not anything for me or that he is organising to do for me, because he isn't romantic in the slightest lol. *sigh* bastard child. feel shitty again though, nothing i can do. I want to get away, "itchy feet" as my mum calls it, but god i just can't help it. I DON'T WANNA BE HERE ANYMORE ; ;

so lately been wondering, who will be there to take my place? [25 Jul 2006|12:55am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | The Calling - Whevrer You Will Go ] hey am feeling really down at the moment, i'm doing well to disguise it though, Dan and I play the 'reading eyes' game, and he can't tell that there's anything wrong, i think that's a good thing, with everything that's going on in his life i think i'm the last thing he could deal with. I guess i'm down because i'm struggling to keep everything ok, people just kind of move so fast in their lives that i can't keep up, and i really really want to be able to, but i can't be everywhere at once. I think when i go up to see Katie in August it'll be definitely good for me, just to get away from everyone and the problems etc. even for just a couple of days you know? i am dreading the week of exam ersults and everything because my mum is really stressing the whole uni thing onto me, i'm so nervous i could die. mum's been really difficult to put up with recently she doesn't seem to know what she wants (i think it's rubbed off on me -.-) and so she screams and shouts at me so much i don't wanna go home, but when i'm not at home she tells me off for not being around to help her through the hard times and threatens to kick me out but she makes it sound as if it's my choice and stuff, i do wish she didn't have a psychology degree a lot of the time you know. i know i shouldn't be but i am feeling a fair bit suicidal recently, i can't find my pills and everything seems to have taken a dive, i have Niall's tomorrow and i'm too nervous to go really, because i have to see Dr. Soppit too, and i'm gonna have to change therapists too because i'm 18... i'm not looking forward to it at all really, but i am at the same time because i want to talk to Niall about everything. i don't knopw what to do, where to turn, who to see etc, nowhere seems safe anymore. JT has crossed too many lines for me to feel safe round him anymore, Dan is another case entirely - let's not go into this one 'kay? ^^; , Trev's is now like a non-stop party and no privacy! seriously! i'm asleep in his bed and the guys walk in thank god for covers!! (topless sophie O_O) i don't want to be around any more, I miss Tim, Mum's gone scitzo, friendships are more complicated, Tony is haunting my mind, i feel angry, suicidal and utterly helpless and pathetic.

go RDM power goodness! [11 Jul 2006|04:58pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | FFXI - South Gustaberg ] hey how sad is this? i'm too nervous to go down the stairs because there are people i don't know very well there, even though i used to go to school with them, i don't feel up to facing them and being my usual self. They are scaring me T.T Andy, Dan and Louie, and soon Aaron will come and i don't feel up to it.. so Trev's house-warming BBQ is going OK, only i'm upstairs in his room levelling my red mage. Not really the most interesting and coolest thing to be doing, and i think the guys are playing guitar hero downstairs which is annoying because i love messing around with it. i'm just scared that if i go down there they'll judge me and all that jazz, so i don't wanna see anyone who doesn't know me really damn well :ninja: red mage is fun though... i got a few levels, and am nearly high enough to hit Valkurm Dunes with it... however i think i am being stupid about this with all my friends downstairs and me upstairs hiding from everyone. how lame.

fear and panic in the air, i want to be free from desolation and despair [08 Jul 2006|12:34am] [ mood | calm i think ] [ music | Muse - Map of the Problematique ] hey i feel the most like myself today. it's an improvement, but still sucky. the only reason i'm going out at the moment is for dancing and so that my mum doesn't get angry at me. the only reason i get up in the mornings is because i have already made promises to do so. how lame is that. i am going through a bad time right now, but i feel a lot like myself in this emotion right now. Not too bothered, but just mooching, not doing anything. however, the bad bit about being like this is that my mood can change really fast from the slightest push to which ever side. i am delicate emotionally i believe. i like this song. Muse album = bootiful. if you don't like it STFU :). i am not pleased with life, it is not gaining my happiness and i am not impressed. i wish i had something to do/ something to feel. People try to have meaningful conversations, but i am generally very logical or something silly, or i tell them to hush, or i get stressy. it all goes downhill from there. i miss trev, i just do. his mum is leaving on sunday though (hurruh!) so i'm gonna stay with him for a while til the guys move in. i am bored and fed up. gah.

he looks up, with a little smile at me and says.. [04 Jul 2006|10:47pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Three Doors Down - Be Like That ] yo i feel sick, my head hurts like mad and the pills i took for it haven't worked. sucks to be me. it could be one of many reasons for this illness - 1. period (oh noes the 'p' word!) so my immune defences are down 2. the heat - it can fuck right off 3. stress, not this is most likely because home life has been bitch slapping me more than ever this month and no everyone, you can call me text me and all that jazz as much as you like but i do NOT, repeat NOT feel like talking about it. so in the cutest and kindest loving way, bugger awf. i know you'll all be there for me if i need you, please don't repeat it to me i might cry, i've heard it too much recently and i'm really not up for the whole explaination crap really. i haven't spoken to anyone much recently unless you are in a very close circle to me and i see you daily or you may have texted me and been lucky enough to get a reply.. trust me, if you did you're lucky. busy things - as in things i have been busy doing and thus ignoring the world: trying to stop myself from exploding avoiding my house like the plague avoiding people like the plague birthday parties (ironic really as i'm trying to avoid people, but a friend is a friend and a birthday is still a birthday) dancing sorting out visiting people i miss trying not to panic about the exam results probably exams too - i haven't updated for a while furniturising my room (again ironic as i have been avoiding my house, but mum gets insulted if i don't return occasionally) playing with my new camera - Fugi E900 playing FFXI figuring out what to do about JT who's being a complete arse and is emotionally blackmailing me -.- but he doesn't realise it -.- x2 trying to lose weight but then getting too pissed off with not eating enough and instead ordered pizza, fuck it, my body isn't all that bad, a bit pudgy but baaaaaaaah screw the girls at my dance centre, at least i don't have to worry about the cold in winter. driving - i have my driving test booked 10.44am 18th august guys. looking for a job and failing using ebay and getting confused general panicing general exploding (i failed with the first point a couple of times) lurking thinking about tidying my room and not destroying my shoes, they are dying and so i had to locate a new pair. joy. having to get used to a different pair of jeans. i'm distressed, i hate these jeans in comparison trying to keep busy with the manwoodian and then just thinking about giving them the finger trying to find ways to look pretty and failing general thinking not answering my phone looking at my phone and thinking about calling someone and then not doing so due to the fact that i'd have to talk and pretend to care thinking about the expo and who i'm gonna cosplay as the end now fuck off

this song reminds me of cloud's hometown.. cute ^-^ [14 Jun 2006|06:43pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | FFVII - Tifa's Theme ] hey new, fascinating, interesting. You wish suckers :p. umm, i wrote one of my articles for the Manwoodian magazine - it was about Laura T.T it's so sad! (she died on the 21st dec T________T R.I.P.) Am at Dan's house and he's zoinked out on the bed, thus i decided to take over. I am feeling peaceful and calm at the moment, but i think it might just be the music, although i wish his keyboard wasn't so damned noisy because i don't wanna wake him up because he had 2 exams today and is knackered. I had one - General Studies, although it went a bit pants... ah well... i guess i'll be ok. Tony was annoying my mummy last night T.T i had to stay at Trev's but apparently he wouldn't go away so mum had him arrested, and then he just came back and shouted at her through the back door O_O my poor mummy!! oh god, why won't he just bugger off? i really violently hate him sometimes... most times, who am i kidding? i couldn't concentrate in my exam today either and i just kept thinking about it and about mum and just ugh. JT went to work this afternoon :o i was shocked!! he's been so good lol. am really hungry at the minute though T.T neeeeeed food. Katie's guinea pig is sooooooooooooooooo cute though1! she sent me a pic of it and aaeeeeeeeeeee, so adorable!!! i want one lol

make you work, make you spend hard, make you want more for my love [01 Jun 2006|11:01pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Nelly Furtardo - Maneater ] hey i have a cold T.T it's annoying me, i just use tissues up like nothing before. I'm feeling kinda crappy, but hey, i'll be fine i guess. I'm not feeling right mentally, it's horrid. I feel really confused, becasue i confronted dan about him being a git the other night, because when i went to hang out with everyone they were distant with me which i found irritating, and so i confronted dan because he's the last person i thought would be mean to me, but hey. apparently he's just having a bad time at the moment and to be honest i can relate to him, although MAJOR NEWS!!!!!!!! - tony is back in england now and i actually saw him wandering around deal today. it was horrible. i hate him so much, he is very very very fat. all new levels of it, but aaaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!! i hate that man T.T mum wasn't gonna tell me, because she was so happy at how i was, that she didn't want to spoil it, especially with all my exams coming up. oh dear. supreme rape. i am less than impressed and i didn't think i'd be affected but the news but i really am. I now have this massive headache and there's nothing i can do, i just wanna go to sleep and wake up and everything will go back to normal and i won't have to worry about a thing, other that the usual rubbish. this is bad. TONY in the country. why couldn't he just bugger off and stay over in Abu Dhabi? i mean.. why does he have to destroy my life too? just because he's going down, doesn't mean he should be able to take me down with him. He sucks so hard. baaaaaah. Comment on this entry, answering these questions, then put it on your LJ for others to do. 1. name: 2. birthday: 3. place of residence: 4. what makes you happy: 5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last: 6. do you read my lj: 7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it: 9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment: 10. favourite place to be: 11. favourite lyric: 12. best time of the year: 13. Do you remember when we met? 14. Have I been a good friend to you? 15. Tell me something you've never told me before. PLUS 1. one thing you like about me: 2. two things you like about yourself: 3. post a picture of you (if possible):

you can feel it everywhere [30 May 2006|11:19pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | rhythm is a dancer - snap ] hey guys :) wow a fair bit to update: firstly i got raped in my re-takes on friday that was horrid T.T mass raping, to stupid degrees i tell you <.< i mean wows, that geography was horrid! english was ok though, i could do that and i didn't fail it too badly though. EXPO!! WOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOW it was amasing, i had so much fun! i really enjoyed myself, everyone was awesome fun. Lora was one of my closest friends made when i went, she was awesome! Cloud was funny, i spoke to his nephew and that was just funny as ever and scared him as much as possible. I met Rolph on saturday too! it was awesome i was shocked! loved it to bits, he had a cactuar, i wish i had one T.T. so many good memories though. team hide and seek was hilarious. i am dying now though, i caught a cold and am suffering. lame.

rhythm is a dancer, it's a soul's companion [19 May 2006|01:25am] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger ] hey my sides are hurting, my neck has whiplash still, i've done 3 hours of dancing today and too much revision, my ribcage wants to implode and i gotta get up within the next 5 hours and my mum's being a whore. i hate you all mosey - sounds fun halibut can just die lol katie - stupid phoneymajig, sue it andi - work of art!!!! xD

just for the record, the weather for today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of :o [15 May 2006|12:48am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Panic! At The Disco - London beckoned songs about money.... ] hey, sorry i haven't been around everyjone, ive been majorly busy and there's not a whole lot i can do really, although im on study leave soon so i can probably fit in mroe things and stuff and so talk to you all more, but if you all desparately need me then you can just call me... i think you all got my mobile number lol. if not ask someone you know will have it :p im confused T.T my feeling are all over the place! i dunno what to do. im addicted to Panic! At The Disco at the moment .... it's one of those bands you're not supposed to like, but they are so hookage you can't stop yourself and cave in... but yes.... gaaaaah! Me and Dan are just as close as always and trev is just as cool as always although everyone's seeming a little distant! even dan started to be distant and i was just like 'wtf?!' he said to me that he didn't want me to be distant or anything and then goes and does it himself *slap* what a git! so i retaliated (how mature of me) and kept my distance and then he came and spoke to me about it and i had to explain everything and he appologised etc. yet nothing's the same. his brother darryl is being a git to him at the moment and taking him for mega advantage, and that is just uncouth! he is taking all of dan's money and using it all to get drunk! how lame is that!? dan can't say no because he doesn't have a good reason, and can't confront darryl because he gets really defensive and mean whenever he does. tis a lose, lose situation! it's funny, theres a girl that talks to dan online and stuff called rachael, and naturally dan talking to another girl makes me smile because he's not amazing at doing it and it's totally cute. i made a few joke one night about her being his girlfriend and ok - i know he's not interested in a long distance relationship but i know they can work. now whenever i look over he closes down the window with her and thinks i haven't noticed. hmmmm something going on maybe? confused dan too i am thinking. he told me that i have to approve or disapprove of his girlfriends - im his safety net, so if i don't think a girl is right for him then he'll back down from her .... that's kinda dangerous as i like him too lol. so my expectations will be really high and even then ill be jealous because i don't like the thought of losing my friends to their girlfriends! Dim is our latest example of this with Roz (not even his girlfriend just a girl he has the hots for) as he dnever spends any time with us anymore he's too busy hitting on roz, although it is funny... trev has promised to take me out to dinner soon which will be really nice and cool, he's taking me to some italian restaurant which is awesome because italian is my fave food. although we keep postponing it and im not sure when exactly he's planning to take me out now o.0 we were gonna do it this weekend, but plans changed as we all went out to pizza hut due to end of term and no more school ever. im really scared about no more school you know... it's odd. i didn't think i would be, but it is really really scary! no more school, no more safety net, straight out into the big wide world, it just feels as though we haven't been given any real training and preparation for this. it's not fair. i think im gonna be raped over be these exams and i have major doubts as to whether or not i'll get into christ church T.T mega scary. if i fail i don't know what i'll do with myself! agh. tis horrid. i have no real back-up plan! .... marry a rich man? hahahaha i have no idea.. i think i'll just be raped and depressed and then not know how to deal with it.. im going to have to stop seeing niall soon!! aaaaah! rape!! rape rape rape! damn getting older! because im 18 now and leaving full time education soon i can't see niall anymore, but can be moved over to an adult centre and stuff, but that'll be really damn scary! i dunno what to do. i could just stop the whole thing but im not sure what to do. im feeling worse and worse at the moment like getting really depressed and stuff, although few would notice it because ive picked up my incredibly good "hiding my emotions" look again where i have a really good smile that can rarely be seen through, so people don't realise how im feeling. i just want it all to end, the number of times ive been tempted is silly, but im ok really, i just have a hard time ignoring them all and my stress levels are not improving, just getting worse and noone is letting up on the stressfulness.. i don't know what to do, everything gets overwhelming and then im screwed, i never know what to do with myself, and there are not enough hours in the day to sort myself out, just enough to hide them all and pretend that they're not happening to me *sigh*. i have to think about the whole niall thing, but the more i think about it the more scared i get and then the worse my condition becomes! it is a never ending circle. i really am not a decisive person... im looking forward to the 26th when i get to go up to london and see kevin again, that'll be awesome! i got the first bit to be editted for my rinoa costume the other day and now i can't wait to got through with it! although i do have 2 exams on the 26th.... that's just not cricket you know. never mind. can't have everything can we? would be nice though.... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh PANIC ATTACK aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh rape. rape. rape. rape. what's worse is that there is nothing that anyone can do to help me! that really bites. like beyond normality. nice and long this entry, i hope you've read this far lol, the most interesting bits are at the bottom. i just feel like crying, but i don't want to , and so am not gonna, but i feel sad enough to do so, yet my confusion is stopping me from doing it so then... baaaaaah.

[14 May 2006|08:26pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | adverts... ] lol

you see i've forgotten if it's green or it's blue [10 May 2006|10:56pm] [ mood | stressed out and dead ] [ music | Your Song - Moulin Rouge ] hm i hate a lot of things right now really a lot substancially so a hate everything damn it all to hell and back and hell again i really really dislike a lot of thing baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah :) everything's being difficult T.T even some guy i know: its just I cant deal with how im feeling sometimes I cant block out my feelings, and that messes me up and I dont want to talk to anyone about it and I just end up pushing everyone away in a ideal world I guess it wouldnt happen I'll try to stop it Im just sorry I do feel something, and its not like I can make that stop. But I cant sit around and actively feel like that and not get a little hurt. But its not like I can just go "oh well, time to move on, tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all!" you know. so far we got as far as knowing that neither of us know what to do next.... brilliant ~_~. oh god i just wanna work everything out, but study leave is on tuesday and exams are coming and mum is being whore-like and hard to deal with. I dunno what to do! i'm not psychic, i'm barely alive! Niall is gonna have to drop me soon because im 18 and that means i can't be helped by me and uuuuuuuuuuuugggggg! it's getting stressful and the voices are back with a vengance and Trev's being amazing to me again and making my love life difficult as i dunno what to do anymore. I wanna hide again and go home wherever that may be. i don't wanna be around anymore T.T make it go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T__T_T where is my superman when i need him ?

haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door? no? [06 May 2006|02:54pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Panic! At The Disco - I write sins not tragedies ] I AM 18 MUTHUS! todays my party but everyone's being total cone artists about turning up on time lol they're supposed to be here! lameos. Trevs getting his hair cut for me though :) his hair is scaring me now and doesn't suit him and i am having issues with that ;) lol. i got some really nice things for my birthday though! MP3 player - 4gb! :o it's so sexy too! i love you all for chipping in on it tulips - my favourite flower! totally awesome! a cutie bag - it has a ladybug on it! cuuuuute some luuurvely earrings - they all dangly and awesome a necklace - kimiko <3 she got me all the matching bits too!!! so hot some monies ^-^ Panic! at the disco CD - wow it's really good guys! i love the video to this song too xD i wish i had something to do.... katie i got the email about how i hadn't posted lol

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